A Prayer for the New Year

God, in this year…

Help me to create margin in my life, so that I have silence in which to hear You, and space for You to move in. 

Let me remember that You have transferred me into Your Kingdom and that is where I now live, not someday, but now. Help me to value the things that You value, and to see things with Your eyes.

I pray that I will find purpose and significance in the things You have called me to do, especially when I’m feeling that these things are boring, mundane, or trivial.

I pray for contentment: that You will continue to transform me, changing my word from “want” to “thanks”.  

I pray for holiness: that the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart will be acceptable in Your sight.

I pray that you will help me to parent with kindness and wisdom. Help me to speak grace and truth into the lives of my children. Help me to rely on You moment by moment in this task of parenting, and to remember that though I often mess up, You never do, and You will work even through my weaknesses. I trust You with my children. 

I pray for patience: that I will dare to accept this present moment as THE moment, and live there, instead of continually yearning to get to something better.

I thank You for the community of people that You have placed around me. I acknowledge that I need their encouragement, love, and insight in my life. Help me to humbly and graciously receive it. Help me to invest in this community, and give myself sacrificially, and vulnerably in love to them.

I pray for humility. That as Your Holy Spirit works in me and through me, I won’t puff up with pride as if I had done it. But that I will give You the glory that is due to You. Help me to be able to encourage others with what You’ve done, without stealing Your glory for myself.

Lastly, I pray that you will help me to enjoy... not just get through… but enjoy my days, my children, my husband, my friends, my food, the weather, etc… all Your good gifts.

I love you God. I thank You ahead of time for accomplishing Your good work in me this year.  Amen.

Slowing, part two

In my previous post I wrote out a bunch of excerpts from The Good and Beautiful God about slowing down. I wanted to take time to write a little bit more about my experience of slowing. As you can see, I haven't been in a real big hurry to get around to the second part of this post... I guess that's appropriate. ;-)

As we learn to slow down at first it may feel painful because we are so addicted to productivity, or used to hurrying. But as we physically slow ourselves down our hearts and spirits slow down too. And as I quoted before "The deepest part of the soul likes to go slow.... Slowing down the pace of our lives means eliminating hurry and limiting the demands and activities in our lives. Then we are more likely to take delight in our lives and make room for God."

Anyway, so in this book the author gives a lot of ideas for slowing yourself down. Drive in the slowest lane of traffic. Get in the longest line at the grocery store. This one is one of my favorites in a funny way: Take an hour to move like a sloth (I can just imagine someone doing this, walking across the living room with the slowest steps possible, taking 30 seconds to move the fork from the plate to your mouth, etc. It just makes me laugh). Make one day a slow day: linger over breakfast, cut out t.v. and media, go for a leisurely walk, watch the sunset. Plan a meal with friends or family: cook slowly, enjoy the smells of the food, linger over dinner, eat slowly, enjoy the food and company.

So I read all these ideas and then realized that the only thing I needed to do to slow down was to go at the pace of my children. Wow, do they ever go slow! I mean, sure, they have boundless energy and can run really fast, but as far as productivity goes, they go slow. It can take 10 minutes or more to get from the car to the front door, or worse vice versa (insert teeth grinding here). I often find myself telling them, "Hurry. Hurry!"

So a few weeks ago when I determined to slow down (as my homework prescribed) I decided that I would stop hurrying my children. I let them explore every puddle on the way from the car to the front door. I didn't rush them to get ready in the morning so that we could go and "do something better."

Of course, there are times when I needed to go quickly. But I resolved to do it with an unhurried heart, a heart that is not fearful but is fully resting in God's goodness to me regardless of circumstances. "I'll move my legs as fast as I can while my heart is happy and unhurried." (Remember that quote from the book? It's one of my favorites!)

Case in point: Wednesday mornings (Bible Study mornings). We have to be leaving our house with everyone dressed, fed, and presentable at 9:00. For us that usually means a hurried morning of pushing. I'm pushing Elisa to get dressed, pushing Jonathan to eat faster, pushing myself to get the dishwasher loaded and my makeup on. And all this, while trying to stem the tide of chaos which threatens to flood our house each moment. "Elisa, no you can't start an art project now. And didn't I just ask you to use the bathroom." "Jonathan, are you poopy again? I just changed you!" I have to say that we usually have some kind of major meltdown on Wednesday mornings (from a kid, not me, in case you were wondering... although I'm not far behind).

Almost always my hurry is fear related. I worry about what others will think of me if I'm late. I fear rejection, embarrassment, letting others down. My kids see that fear in me and mirror it. Then it builds and consumes us in a huge cycle... worry, fear, hurry, worry, fear, hurry.

One Wednesday morning not long ago, Elisa screamed and cried all the way to church. I was so rattled I missed a turn. And when I finally sat down at Bible Study it took about 10 minutes of deep breathing before I felt like my heart rate was back to normal.

But, on the first Wednesday morning of intentionally slowing my heart while trying to move my legs as fast as possible, there were no meltdowns. I had time for joy. I laughed with my kids. We looked at leaves on the ground on the way to the car. We still moved quickly. In fact I caught my kids telling each other, "Hurry. Hurry!" (The words that I had ingrained in them). But I corrected them, "No, it's okay. We do have to try to go quickly but we're okay. Everything will be okay." And that's what I was telling my heart at the same time. I kept repeating my mantra of "God has everything under control. I have nothing to fear."

I got to Bible Study early. My kids were happier than usual. I was happier than usual. It was wonderful.

Of course, I do have to add that the next time we went to Bible Study with this same unhurried heart philosophy I was quite late and had to walk in awkwardly and find a seat while everyone watched. But you know what? I didn't care. My kids were happy, no deep breathing was needed.

As I learn to go more slowly and stop hurrying my kids, I notice that I am doing less things... there are fewer outings to the library and the park. But I am enjoying the everyday things more. Diaper changes and putting on shoes and socks are not inconveniences on the way to something good. They are the good of the current moment. They are an opportunity to closely interact with my kids in a way that meets their needs. I am beginning to delight in the everyday moments instead of rushing off to the next place.

More on this topic to come... eventually... don't hurry me!

Slowing, part one

This week has been... a good week... but an interesting week. A couple weeks ago our car gave out on us. We are a one car family, but luckily we were able to borrow a car for the first week that our car was in the shop. We thought that we were going to get our car back early the next week. But it turned out that it had to go back to be fixed two more times. And so we didn't really get our car back until Friday. So, last week we didn't have a car, it was rainy, and both of my kids have colds. So we mostly stayed home and didn't do much. It was a great lesson in slowing.

Appropriately that was our spiritual discipline assignment for our Sunday school class for the last two weeks. Slowing.

One of Greg's favorite books is The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. In it he talks about the discipline of slowing. He says that once when he was entering a new ministry he called a spiritual mentor for advice. His mentor told him, "Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." Ortberg wrote this down on his paper and then asked, "Okay, what's next?" "There is no next." his mentor replied.

Our Sunday School is going through the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I can't explain slowing down better than he did, so here are a few excerpts:

Hurry and distraction are nothing new, but in our age we seem to have perfected them. More than at any time in history we have become obsessed with productivity, speed and efficiency.... And while we increasingly move faster, we are enjoying life less.

Our impatience has made life a dizzying blur. And as a result, our spiritual lives are diminished. As we try harder, we are becoming spiritually shallow and deeply disappointed--not exactly a recipe for a robust life.

The mantra of our achievement-oriented world is, "You are only as valuable as what you produce." This leads to the narrative that what we produce determines our value, and therefore the more we produce the more valuable we are. What we did yesterday is old news; what matter is what we are doing today.

Satan does not always appear as a red devil, a ghastly monster or the object of sexual desire. Sometimes he simply inserts a false narrative (achievement equals value) into our minds. Once that narrative gets firmly planted, we are headed toward destruction without realizing it. The narrative can sound almost Christian. That's why it slips in unnoticed.... But one day we wake up and realize that the things most important to us--time with God and our family, our emotional and physical health--were sacrificed on the alter of achievement (or the success of our church). And we have nothing to show for such an amazing sacrifice.

Jesus told Martha, "There is need of only one thing." That one thing is listening to Jesus. Jesus did not say that the "one thing" was to obey his commandments (though that will come.) The first thing, the one needful thing, is to listen to his teachings. The world tries to pull us away from this important thing. Martha's way was good, but Mary's way was better. She looked at the situation and evaluated what was most important. Jesus was in her home, and being with him was the most important things she could do.

The most important aspects of our lives cannot be rushed. We cannot love, think, eat, laugh, or pray in a hurry.

Taking time is especially important in our spiritual lives. In our spiritual life we cannot do anything important in a hurry.

Why is eliminating hurry from our lives so crucial? When we eliminate hurry we become present, or more specifically, present to the present moment in all of its glory. We become aware of our surroundings. We see colors and smell smells; we hear hushed sounds and can actually feel the wind in our faces. In short, we "show up" and experience the fulness of life. And that includes, not least of all, being present to God. If I am to live well as a Christian, I need to be constantly connected to God. Hurry is not part of a well-lived life.

It is possible to act quickly without hurrying. If I have only ten minutes to get from one end of the airport to another, I can move quickly without hurrying. Hurry is an inner condition that is fear-based: "If I don't make my plane everything will be ruined. Life as I know it is over!" But when I walk in step with God I learn to say, "If I don't make that plane I'll be fine. God is with me. Things will work out. Meanwhile, I'll move my legs as fast as I can while my heart is happy and unhurried."

Slowing down is the way our soul works. Robert Barron says, "The deepest part of the soul likes to go slow, since it seeks to savor rather than to accomplish; it wants to rest in and contemplate the good rather than hurry off to another place." ... Slowing down the pace of our lives means eliminating hurry and limiting the demands and activities in our lives. Then we are more likely to take delight in our lives and make room for God.

There was a little girl...

Last week I started this post...

Ever have one of those days where you doubt in every way your parenting abilities... those days where you are sure that no child in the history of the world has ever behaved so badly and still turned out to be a productive human being?

It was one of those days. Monday was also one of those days.

I feel discouraged.

I then launched into a description of Elisa's behavior. But then I got lost in that, and wasn't quite sure how to wrap up the post. Now, a week later, I feel like I have adequate perspective to be able to finish this post.

The truth is that all of last week was pretty bad. Elisa had many, many time outs last week. She screamed loudly throughout most of these time outs. For some of them, I had to hold her door closed, while she tried wildly to pull it open from the other side. I could go on and on about her bad behavior, but I'll probably get lost in the descriptions again, and never finish the post. So let's just leave it at that.

Monday morning she woke up, a new person. She has been a total sweetheart for most of the week: obedient, loving, kind, fun. Today she had a couple rough patches, but it was a busy whirlwind of a day... so nothing unusual.

She reminds me of the poem about the little girl with a little curl right in the middle of her forehead: when she was good, she was very, very good; and when she was bad, she was horrid.

Parenting is hard, isn't it?

This is the first three year old I've had... so I'm still figuring out how to go about parenting a three year old. I remember a mom telling me, before I had kids, "Read all you can about parenting now, because once you have kids, it's all on the job training." It's really true. As soon as you kind of "figure out" one stage, you're onto the next... and each kid is different. So, while you can learn from the first kid, you still have to readjust your strategies for the next.

Right now I'm reading 1-2-3 Magic. It's a book about discipline and it's given me some good ideas and advice. I'm almost finished with it, and then I'm going to start implementing it. Maybe I'll post more about this later (no promises).

Anyway, thanks for making it this far through my ramblings. I think I just needed to get some of that off my chest. Last week when Elisa was acting so terribly I really did feel alone. I missed all the moms in Arkansas that I used to get together with. I felt like everyone was honest with each other about how our children were (or weren't) behaving... and I just needed someone to tell me, "My kid does that too."

Motivation

Last week I found myself... fatigued... with life. I didn't have my usual energy for parenting. I didn't have any motivation for activities with the kids. We went to the library and got a whole bunch of new books, and that's really what saved me. For most of the week we read books and books and books, because other than that I didn't really feel like doing anything. I felt short and impatient with Elisa. I also felt done with our current lifestyle. Burnt out of living on campus, burnt out of being an RD wife. It was just one of those weeks.

The week before that (so two weeks ago), Greg was gone for the entire week on a Spring Break Mission's trip with students. Luckily, I was able to go up and see my parents for most of that time. (So much better than when we lived in Arkansas with no family within 2,000 miles). But still, I think that week apart from Greg took its toll on me, and fed into the next week of fatigue, sadness, and lack of motivation.

But this week has been much better. I find myself motivated once again. Today we went to the Children's Museum AND the library (doing two things in one day shows a huge amount of motivation on my part, just so you know). The weather was great, and I even got some one-on-one play time with Jonathan outside in the beautiful evening. It was so fun to watch him toddle around, excited by the lichen he found on the ground, excited by the birds, excited by the balloons he saw in someone's dorm room window. We walked up to the dog park where he happily watched the dogs. He even got to pet one. Overall a beautiful, wonderful day.

I also am starting to feel a little re-energized to be living on campus. I was reading today in 2 Corinthians 3-4 about ministry. Chapter 4 ends this way:

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

So much of the time I think about how I want to own a house and have a yard. I get so focused on these temporary things, that I lose sight of eternal things. What would it mean for me to "look at things which are not seen"? What does ministering out of a place of surrender mean for me? What if I constantly delivered myself over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in me? (2 Cor. 4:11) So that is what I am mulling over right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

Parenting with doubts and worries.

When Did I Get Like This? The Screamer, The Worrier, The Dinosaur-Chicken-Nugget-Buyer & Other Mothers I Swore I'd Never Be.

I'm reading this book. I got it from the library yesterday, and today I'm a little over halfway through (thanks to Greg's late night meeting). After reading the title, I knew I had to read the book.

You see, I swore I'd never be the dirty car seat and stroller mother. You know the ones: cheerios and crumbs in every possible nook and cranny of their kid's car seat. It's not that I thought less of those parents, certainly they had reasons for not cleaning out their kid's seat. I just wasn't going to be one of them.

I did pretty well when it was just Elisa. One of my friends even commented, "My daughter has the same car seat as yours, but Elisa's looks so... clean!"

Fast forward 2 years, and yep, you guessed it. I am now a card carrying member of the Dirty Car Seat Club (well okay, that last part is made up... certainly if I had time to join a club, I'd have time to clean out the car seat.) Once I accidentally smashed a banana between the infant seat and the seat base. By the time I finally took the base out of the car to try and clean it, it wouldn't come clean any longer. Or maybe I just gave up too easily. I guess we'll never know, because unless some astonishing change happens (nesting instincts in the final days before our next child is born perhaps?), I will not be cleaning the car seat base.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me that I've become this mother. The cleanliness of the car seats is really the least of my concern these days. But there are other things that really do bother me. Am I spending enough time with Jonathan alone? Am I giving him enough attention? After all, shouldn't he be talking by now? Is it normal for older siblings to feel so jealous of younger siblings that they continually refer to themselves and demand that you refer to them as "the baby"? Are they getting enough vegetables? Enough flouride? Enough exercise? Are they under-socialized since I stay home with them? The questions go on and on. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm a good mom... just in the way that most moms are good moms: I love my kids. I spend time with my kids. I do what I think is best for them in the long run. But I know that a lot is riding on my decisions... and so I'm constantly trying to be the best mom I can be. And sometimes, fears and doubts creep in. Am I doing enough? Am I enough?

And yet, my children continue to grow and thrive. They may end up in therapy someday, lamenting that their mother was a constant worrywart, who never cleaned out the car. But for now, they are blissfully unaware of my doubts, fears, and shortcomings. A hug from Mommy is enough to calm crying, and a kiss from Mommy has magical healing power. Someday Mommy's hugs and kisses won't be enough. But when my kids get to that day, I know that God will meet them there... and He will be enough. So today I find comfort in the fact that we are all imperfect parents who do our best and let our perfect Heavenly Father do the rest.

Transition

Well, life in transition continues... We would have liked to be settled by now, in an apartment or home, and in a new job. But that apparently is not what God had for us. And so we continue to wait. It gets a bit discouraging at times. (You can read Greg's posts here, here, and here for a little more info on the past month of job searching)

I'm trying to be patient, and thankful. I'm trying to trust instead of worrying.

So in this moment I choose to be thankful... thankful that we have wonderful families who have graciously opened their homes to us and let us take over their living space with toys and clothes and diapers; thankful that we have still have some money in the bank and one last paycheck coming from JBU, thankful that I get to have my wonderful husband around a little more often, thankful for my beautiful children, thankful for wonderful weather... most of all, thankful for a heavenly Father who loves us, is all-powerful, and will work to bring about what is best in His time.

Thicker than water

Blogging has been kind of sparse lately. It's not that I don't have time... I do. It's not that I don't have internet access... I do. I've been thinking about it, and I've decided it's that I don't have the emotional space. There's been a lot of change in our lives and there is going to be a lot more change before we are done. And I just can't quite sort through it to come up with any kind of cohesive thought to write about. And even when I do sort through part of it, I don't really feel like writing about it for all to see.

But here's something I can say. Though it was sad to leave, there are moments when I'm reminded that this is why we moved. Here's one of those moments:

My dad gives horsey rides to both kids and when he gives Jonathan a horsey ride, Elisa often joins in the fun. You can't quite see it in this picture but she has Itty on her shoulders and is following Papa all around the yard. I'm so glad that our kids have the chance to get to know their grandparents (and aunt and uncle too). That really is the reason we moved back and it's so good to be around our families again.

Here we are

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. We're now in Oregon (Columbia City) at Wanda's (Greg's mom's) house. Every summer we spend a few weeks with each set of parents. This year however, we're here in the Northwest to stay. It's weird, in some ways it feels like just another summer.... but not quite. I can't stop thinking about all that needs to happen in the next month. Greg still needs to find a job, and we need to find an apartment and move all of our stuff in (right now it's in Wanda's garage).

At different times I feel quite anxious about the fact that Greg doesn't have a job. But I keep hearing God say, "Rest." "Trust me," "Wait and see how I provide for you."

He also says,

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

So here we are in Oregon... in a place of dependence on God.

Mother's Day Love

In honor of Mother's Day, here are a few links to things you mother's out there might enjoy.

Here's a link to one of my favorite parenting sites, A Magical Childhood. Click on "Poems" on the left-hand side and it will take you to a bunch of great poems about pregnancy, motherhood, and kids. My favorite is called "Birth Story" and starts with...

"Ah, toots, you were a long wait.

All springs I grew watermelon-large

while you square-danced within

and told stories to my hands."

Don't you want to know how it ends?

For those of you with older kids, here's a list of questions to use to spur on conversations during family dinners.

Here's free downloadable artwork that you can print and frame. Cute, fun, and funky. Lots of them could work in a kid's room. Here's one of my favs...

Happy Mother's Day! Especially to my mom and mother-in-law. I love you both so much and value your place in my life. I am excited to live closer to both of you very soon!

And the verdict is...

After much prayer and consideration we decided to turn down the position at SPU. It was not an easy decision to make. There were pros and cons both ways. But I am confident that this was a good decision for us. Of course, now Greg still needs to find a job... so we would appreciate your continuing prayers for that.

Today is move out day for students here. Now that we know that Greg will most likely not be in Student Development again next year, I feel a real sense of loss as I see all the guys leaving. It has been really fun having guys into our apartment on a regular basis. It's been great getting to know students a little bit. I feel like I haven't gotten to be as involved as I would have liked (having two babies and all). But I've definitely enjoyed the interactions that I've had and the relationships that I've formed. I look forward to seeing how we are able to minister to people in the next chapter of our lives.

This evening

John and Kristine very graciously lent us one of their digital cameras to use until we get a new one. This means I can once again take tons of pictures... even "unimportant" pictures that turn out badly and get deleted before they even hit the computer. Ah, the freedom.

So, here are some "unimportant" pictures of a very ordinary evening at our house.

I thought if I made Elisa's dinner into a face she might eat more of it. But she took three bites and then kept insisting on "fruit snacks" (which are a recent addition at our house and since they are pretty much just sugar, Elisa LOVES them.) So we bribed her to take 10 more bites so that she could get dessert. Her choices for dessert were ice cream, vanilla wafers, or fruit snacks. And yes, she chose fruit snacks.

After dinner Elisa started playing with her stickers, and before we knew it she had stuck one on Jonathan's head. He went along with it at first...

...but eventually he didn't think it was too funny.

We went on a short walk after dinner. Elisa didn't want me to take any pictures of her. But she was so cute that I snuck one anyway.

Here's Jonathan showing off his new tongue smile. He sure loves his dad. I don't know who he likes more, Greg or Elisa, but I feel like I come in third on the list... which is funny considering that I'm the food supply.

Elisa kept hopping down the stairs saying, "boing!" She is such a big girl now.

So that was our ordinary (and yet extraordinary) evening. Each day I feel so thankful for my beautiful family. I love the ages of our kids. And I love each new age and stage that comes. I love seeing them interact with each other and with Greg. I think of all the older people who tell me, "I miss the days when my kids were little; those days go by so fast. Cherish them." And I can already feel these days slipping through my fingers.

This is not to say that life is perfect (or even close to it). We still have moments during the day full of whining, crying, and fits. And some days it seems that bad moods are the norm and the lovely moments are the exception. But it's all worth it when I see two little faces smiling up at me... and I turn to meet Greg's eyes, and we shake our heads in wonder and say, "so cute."

Moving

It's been almost 4 years since we packed up and left our beloved Portland to live in a place I had never even visited. Yep, almost 4 years since we moved to Arkansas to take a job at John Brown University. My mind reels when I try to think of a way to sum up what it's been like to move across the country and live here. And while there are so many things that I could say about our time here (and probably will say in future posts), right now all I want to say is that our time here is drawing to an end. Greg has told his boss that he is not planning on coming back next year, and they are in the process of interviewing other people to take over his position. We don't know where we will end up come this summer. But the one thing we do know is that it is time for us to live closer to our family. We want our kids to grow up closer to their Grandparents (and Aunt and Uncle). We want to see our family more than twice a year. Greg is looking for a job (preferably in Student Development) somewhere in the Northwest. We would love to live in Portland again, but we know that we may end up somewhere else. There are a lot of things up in the air for us. Please pray for us. Pray for wisdom, and pray for a job! Thanks.

(Here's a link to Greg's take on this same subject)

Weary

This week has been a rough one. It started with Elisa getting sick, then Jonathan. We had two nights that Jonathan cried and needed to be held most of the night (it's so sad to see your small baby who hardly ever cries be inconsolable). Then I got sick. Then Greg left for the weekend. We were all feeling a lot better by the time Greg left (thankfully). But we're still not totally better, so we couldn't go to church this morning. Elisa is still contagious and can't be in the nursery. This also meant that while Greg was gone this weekend we couldn't spend time with anyone who has kids... so we've been pretty isolated.

I've been in a pretty okay mood about all of this... but this morning I feel really discouraged and down.

This morning God impressed this verse on my heart:

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Sometimes you just need a movie...

So Elisa is sick. Yup. Greg's gone and Elisa is sick. Perfect.

Actually, I can't complain too much. She has a fever. But other than that she seems okay. A little clingier than normal... but I can live with that. The hard part is that we can't really go anywhere... at least not anywhere where there will be other kids. (And I was really looking forward to going to Mothering Matters today - oh well). And outside is nasty and cold right now. So that means we are pretty much stuck inside. Elisa doesn't do too well stuck inside all day. She likes to go places and do things. And I don't think she's quite so sick that her desire to be going places is gone.

All that to say, I am so glad I picked up a couple of kid's videos at the library. Overall I try to avoid having Elisa watch a lot of "TV", but sometimes you just need a movie. Y'know?

Nothing else to do...

Greg's gone for a conference again... guess I'll be posting more. :-)

Household tips

It is the beginning of a new year, and once again I find myself with the itch to organize everything. There's just something about January (now almost February) that makes me want to purge closets and reorganize drawers; it renews my resolve to do monthly menu planning, and catch up on baby books. It seems I'm not alone in this desire. So I just wanted to share with you some of the tips and tricks that I've found useful as I've tried to keep our house running smoothly. I also want to welcome you to leave a comment telling your own useful tips. Most of these tips are not original to me. Most of them came from other moms, and they are just things I've heard that have stuck with me and have made my life a little easier. So, without further ado, here you go:

1. Swallow your frogs first. In other words, at the beginning of the day if there is some item on your to-do list that is making you cringe (for me these are those annoying phone calls), do it first. Get it out of the way.

2. Put your "handmaidens" to work. (This was related to Proverbs 31:15 where the wise woman rises early and provides tasks for her handmaidens) The modern day equivalents to handmaidens being things like crockpots, dishwashers, washing machines, bread-makers, (and dare I say it... children who are old enough to help out). The point of this is to get these things working for you right away (after all, it's really lame to try to load the dishwasher after dinner and find that it is full of dirty dishes)

3. When you don't have time to straighten the whole room, go for the biggest impact and straighten the largest flat area first. In the bedroom this probably means making the bed, in the kitchen it could mean clearing off the table or the island. And remember, the largest flat area could also be the floor (this is especially true of us with young children who spread their toys all over the floor). The whole room will look much cleaner when that one area is neat.

4. Touch your mail once. Don't open it until you're ready to deal with it -read it, act on it, file it or throw it away. This helps alleviate all those paper messes. (I used to do this, and it really worked... I need to start doing it again.)

5. Make twice as much as usual for dinner and freeze half. I feel like I'm on top of my game when I have something tucked away in the freezer. It's like having convenience food with half the cost and twice the nutrition. Of course, this only works for certain types of food: soups, stews, casseroles, marinated meats, and baked goods usually do well. Don't Panic - Dinner's in the Freezer is a great book that has tons of good tips and freezer recipes.

So please leave a comment telling us your own tip... whether it's for organizing your time, your money, your meals, or your closets... anything that has made your life a little easier... please share!

Finding time to clip my toenails...

One thing I've been thinking about over the last few months is this whole idea of trying to find time to care for myself.

It hit me really hard a couple months ago. It was probably 6 weeks after Jonathan was born and I was starting to feel kind of down. Not a post-partum hormonal depression... just a regular old sadness and behind the sadness I was kind of angry. Greg was trying to do all he could to help... "Do you want to go to the gym? You could go right now. Or do you need to go into Fayetteville (our closest city) by yourself this weekend?" Greg asked. The conversation went on like this, and finally I ended up frustrated and in tears blurting out, "I don't know what I want." We talked for awhile and then Greg said, "I think the fact that you don't know what you need shows how out of touch you are with yourself. You don't have time to even think about what you need to maintain a healthy life." And as I thought about it I realized that he was right.

I push myself to perform, and do everything, and have it all under control. And in the midst of all these To-Do's it's the things like showers, and exercise, and sleep, and time with friends that tend to get skipped. Until one day I look down at my feet and think, "I haven't even had time to clip my toenails." And inevitably this leads to anger. Usually I get angry at Greg (after all he's the closest target). The funny thing about it is that I'm the only one who expects me to do it all.

Right before Christmas break I had a lot going on. I worked an extra day at the library, I had a bunch of burp cloths to sew for the Baby Habit, I was trying to get everything ready for Elisa's birthday and Christmas, and also I had to pack and clean and do laundry etc. I had decided that for Elisa's birthday I wanted to make a cake from scratch with frosting from scratch. The cake I chose turned out to be a lot more work than I was expecting and as I was finishing it up at about 1am I thought to myself, "You know, Elisa probably would rather have a box cake and store-bought frosting with a well-rested mom; than this cake with a crabby, tired mom."

I go to a Bible Study called Mothering Matters (kind of like the local MOPS chapter). One of the women in my group was talking about just this thing the other day. She said that she carries a list with her. On one side of the paper is a list of things she does... on the other side of the paper is a list of the things she doesn't do. In order for her to be able to do the things that she does, she also has to not do the other things. In other words, she only has so much time... and so she has chosen to invest it on the "things I do" side. And if she wants to add something new to that side, then she probably has to move something off of it to the "things I don't do" side. Then whenever she sees someone else who, for example, bakes her own bread, and she thinks to herself, "Wow, I wish I baked my own bread... I don't measure up." She can remind herself, "No, look at all the things that I have chosen to do... I could do that too, if I was willing to give up something else."

Part of the problem is that I think that other moms do it all. When in reality, everyone has to make choices. Sure, some people can fit more on their plates than others (I'm one of those with a dinner-roll size plate), but none of us can really do everything. I had a reminder of this over Christmas. I was talking with a mom of four girls ages 3-11. She was saying that her oldest daughter had a school assignment where she had to bring in a recipe for one of her favorite meals. The class was making a cookbook. The meal she chose was beef stew... which was great, except as the mom explained to me, "I don't think they were looking for, 'Go to the freezer section of your local grocery store and find the Stouffer's beef stew in a bag. Cut the bag open and place contents in crock pot...'" I don't know why, but somehow it was kind of freeing to hear that this other mom doesn't make beef stew from scratch. We tend to notice all of the things that other moms do, and think "why can't I do that too?" But what about the things they don't do?

So, I just want to tell you all some of the things that I don't do in the hopes that it will, in some strange way, encourage you:

I don't cook most Tuesday or Thursday nights.

We eat burritos probably at least twice a week (canned beans, cheese, and salsa in a tortilla - if it has meat it's considered a fancy meal).

I never make lunch for Greg.

I'm rarely out of my pajamas before 9:30 or 10:00 unless I have somewhere to be.

Jonathan regularly stays in his pajamas all day and night.

Our Christmas tree sat in our house for over a week before we put any ornaments on it (and by the way, our tree is still up).

I consider wiping the bathroom down with a clorox wipe a pretty good cleaning job and do this every other week at most.

Our house gets vacuumed probably once every three weeks, and half the time Greg does it.

I could go on and on. But I think you get the point. There are a lot of things that I don't do.

Anyway, back to my original thought... I have to let go of some of the unrealistic expectations I have of myself. In the midst of taking care of my family and my home, I need to make sure that I'm taking care of myself. I have a great husband who's willing to help out... if I'll let him... if I'll ask him for what I need. Sometimes I feel guilty if he gets up in the morning with Elisa. Or if he stays home with the kids while I go out for a fun evening.

In reality it's pride. I don't want to admit that I can't do it all... or that I need help. But I'm getting better. I'm learning that I need to be okay with a messy house. I need to let Greg wake up early with the kids while I sleep in. In other words I need to be okay with the fact that I too have needs and give up on the dream of being super-mom.

Buying Beauty

Recently I read a book called Feed Me!: Writers Dish about Food, Eating, Weight, and Body Image. It was a collection of essays by various writers... and it was fascinating. It was funny, sad, and always thought provoking. Anyway, I looked up the editor's blog and on it I found this video. Just had to post it. Hope you enjoy!

A walk in the park...

...Natural Falls State Park that is. After a week of overcast days, we had beautiful sunny weather today. It was a perfect fall day: sunny, but cool enough for a jacket. The leaves are just starting to change. It's beautiful. So we went to a State Park that's only a few miles away for a short hike. We had a great time.

Jonathan in his car seat getting ready for the big outing.

Leesi and Gramma having fun together

First family picture outside of the hospital

Things are going better for me. I've been getting a little more sleep... and trying to take opportunities to nap. I haven't had any more crying spells (A little sleep makes all the difference). My mom leaves tomorrow and Greg goes back to a full work schedule on Wednesday... so we will see how it goes when I lose all my help... and when Leesi loses her constant playmates. I'm so thankful for all the help that my mom and Greg's mom have been to us during this time. I know the next couple of months are going to be more about surviving than thriving... but right now I feel encouraged. Thanks for all of your prayers and comments!