Jonathan playing "I Spy"

Jonathan: I pie wi ma w'il eye some tin... fan! (clearly looking at the white ceiling fan)

Me: Something fan? Do you mean something white?

Jonathan: Some tin white.

Elisa: Is it the fan?

Jonathan: nooo

Elisa: Is it the door?

Jonathan: nooo ... It da boo bag!

Us: Oh, the blue bag!

My big four-year-old

So, I realized that it has been almost a month since Leesi's birthday and I still haven't written about her at age four.

My sweet girl is still Mommy's big helper. She loves helping me cook, and is at the point where she can actually be helpful. She often makes sandwiches for her and Jonathan's lunch (mostly pb&j, but sometimes tuna). She loves pouring her own cereal and milk in the morning. The other day she started to get upset because Jonathan got to help with the dishes and I told her that she couldn't. She settled down when I told her that she could help me later. And then she relished the opportunity to wash the mirrors and dust with me. I know this helpfulness will probably end all to soon, but for now it's nice... most of the time.

She loves to read books (which I also love, so we're a good combo). Some of her favorites are Berenstain Bears, and Little Critter.

She is quite good at riding her tricycle, and is just now moving up to a big girl bike with training wheels (she got it for her birthday). She likes riding the big bike, but she's fallen off of it a couple of times, which has made her a little leery of it too. So sometimes she switches back to the trike.

She is still quite shy and mostly won't talk to people that she doesn't know well, and often won't talk to people that she does know well. Someone in our care group described her as "cold" and I have to agree, she has a look that can wither even the friendliest of adults. I've started doing role-playing to help her get used to the idea of talking to people she knows. I'll say, "You be so-and-so and I'll be Leesi, and you say hi to me." etc. I think it may be helping a little. It's definitely something we're going to be working on this year. Mainly I just want her to at least acknowledge people she knows with a "hi" or even just a smile.

But of course she is not cold all the time (or even most of the time). She loves her little friends, and can be quite loud with them. She plays and giggles with Jonathan all the time. They are the best of little buddies, and I'm hopeful that their friendship will continue as they grow up. She loves her daddy. The other day, after Daddy was being particularly silly, she announced, "Boys are funny, girls aren't funny." Which of course, is a statement about our family and made me laugh so hard, it still makes me smile to myself when I think about it. Even still, she is a Mommy's girl and often demands, "I want Mommy to do it!"

She LOVES doing art projects. If I had to pick one activity that she chooses to do more than anything else, it would be this... art projects. She is quite prolific and when she runs out of room in designated art displaying areas, she'll take it upon herself to find the scotch tape and begin taping them up in random places around the house. Some of her artwork is quite... how shall I call it... original. Art can be pieces of crumpled up tinfoil, dirt and water smeared onto paper and then folded and folded again, pieces of paper cut apart and then taped back together in different configurations, or scraps of paper with one or two lines drawn on them. No one could accuse her of being stuck in a box when it comes to her artwork. She is a master of "mixed media."

She knows her own mind and has her own opinions. She still chooses her own outfits everyday, but I feel like the outfits are getting a little less outlandish. Or maybe I'm just getting used to them. I don't know.

She can be a little bossy with her family, "Now Mommy you go there, and Jonathan you sit here." But she acquiesses fairly quickly to her friends.

She regularly asks, "Why?" and the other day told me, "Mommy, don't ask why so much!"

She also has a keen ear for information. You can't get much past this girl anymore. When she hears some little tidbit that she finds of interest, it's like her little ears perk up. "What?" she asks.

She still has a rest time each day, though she never sleeps anymore. But she needs the alone time (and I do too - we're both introverts). During her rest time I'll hear little conversations she makes up between her dolls or stuffed animals. My favorite is when I hear the calm Mommy voice saying, "You need to share." or the chipper Mommy voice saying, "Can you clean up your toys? Time to clean up!"

She is usually fairly obedient, and has now finally gotten past the frequent meltdowns and tantrums (thank the Lord!). For the most part she is cooperative, and easy and fun to be around. Of course, she still has her meltdowns, but they are fewer and farther between these days. I had so many people tell me that age three is harder than two... which I think is true in some ways, but not completely. And I am hoping that these past few months are a herald of what is coming at age four.

My precious Elisa Marie, I love you to pieces. You bring so much joy to our family, and I can't wait to see all that you are going to be!

Happy Birthday!

To my wonderful husband, Greg...

who makes me laugh when I need to lighten up,

who folds countless baskets of laundry without complaint,

who is an expert bath-giver and tummy tickler,

who is always up for an adventure,

who works tirelessly to build relationships with and mentor students,

who loves me well, even when I'm not so easy to love.

I love you Babe.

Happy Birthday!

Hello Kitty Birthday

Elisa will turn four tomorrow. On Friday we had her birthday party. She wanted a Hello Kitty party. Which was super easy to do, since Hello Kitty is absolutely everywhere right now.

At Jonathan's birthday party back in October. I felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Every time Jonathan saw me he said, "Momma! Momma!" In this heartbreaking way. Like, "It's been sooo long since I've seen you, where have you been?" I learned some things the hard way from his birthday party:

1) Do easy food.

2) Don't try to decorate the cake the day of.

3) If possible, delegate! And talk about any expectations you have of your husband.

4) If you aren't throwing the party in your own home, but need to do set-up and decorations in the party location, give yourself adequate time.

5) Remember that the point is to make a fun and memorable day for the birthday boy/girl... not to impress others or outdo yourself in some way. It will be more fun for them (and you) if you are not stressed out!

This time around, the party preparations went much more smoothly. We ordered pizza; and I assembled fruit, veggie, and cracker/dip trays. So the food was easy. I did the cake the night before. I had Greg make the balloon flower decorations while I was doing the cake (I'm so glad I did this, since these ended up being a little more complicated than one would think). I started decorating the lounge where we had the party the morning of, instead of waiting until the hour before. And I paused to refocus myself and pray the afternoon before the party instead of frantically working all day. The fruit kebabs turned into a fruit plate because I ran out of time, but I was in a much better frame of mind by the time the party rolled around. I had a great time at the party. I was able to talk to my guests, and enjoy watching the kids play. I think Leesi had a great time too.

We had the party in the lounge which is separated from our apartment by a small hallway. Both doors were open, and so at one point the older kids disappeared into our apartment. All of a sudden the parents looked around and thought, "Where did all the kids go?" We found them in our downstairs, pushing the button on our Skiing Santa, who sings a little song. (He used to also actually ski across the room, but this year when I pulled him out, I found that he no longer does that.) They had this whole routine worked out of freezing in one place while Santa talked, and then starting to dance when Santa started singing. It was so cute, and it just goes to show you that sometimes the funnest party games and activities are not the ones you thought up.

Here are some pictures of the festivities:

Hello Kitty cake and kisses.

The food table (pre-food).

Greg made balloon flowers and animals for the kids

Pin the bow on Hello Kitty. Mysteriously all bows ended up perfectly placed.

Party favors and prizes

(Prizes never were given out. Prizes are a bad idea for this age, unless everyone gets one.)

What was I thinking?

The big birthday girl and Momma.

Christmas tree time

Most years that we've lived in Portland we have gotten our Christmas tree from this great u-cut place called Sandy Farms. It's cheap (this year it was $15-$20 per tree, in years past we've gotten trees for as little as $5), it's fun, and it's tradition. Every year we wonder, is it worth the drive? Couldn't we just pay five dollars more and get a tree down the street. But each year we go, and each year we love it. There's something about it, the whole experience, that we love... the drive, the search, the cold, the sawing, the hauling, the hot chocolate at the end. This year was no different. We had a great morning on Saturday finding our tree.

It was quite cold. Right around freezing. All the shady places were still covered in frost. Leesi kept saying, "I'm freezin!" and "I'm getting really icy!" So after we found our tree, and while Greg was still trying to figure out the big tree, the kids and I went back to the barn for hot cocoa. I think this was their favorite part.

We found a tree for us, as well as a tree for outside at the school's Christmas party. After some discussion about whether or not it would fit on top of our car Greg chose the largest doug fir he could find. When the workers were trying to put it through the baler, it got stuck and it took a little time and ingenuity to get it unstuck. We cheered when it finally made it through the baler. It took 4 men to load it onto the top of our car and I think it bent our roof rack a little. It was quite the adventure. But now the Christmas party will have a beautiful large tree. And we have a beautiful tree too. It's only half way decorated so far. We're looking forward to finishing it up tomorrow!

Jonathan's jacket flip

Jonathan learned how to do this about a week ago. And I think it may be just about the cutest thing ever.

Leesi and the zipper

Almost ready for a big boy bed...

So I posted this on Facebook. But I wanted to post it here too, so that when I look back I'll remember.

A few mornings ago I was awake, but still in bed and pretty soon I heard Leesi say (through the monitor), "You did it Buddy! Do you wanna come snuggle in bed with me?"

Yes indeed, Jonathan has learned to get out of his crib (and the Pack'n'Play that he naps in too).

At least there was one person in the family who was excited for him.

Slowing, part two

In my previous post I wrote out a bunch of excerpts from The Good and Beautiful God about slowing down. I wanted to take time to write a little bit more about my experience of slowing. As you can see, I haven't been in a real big hurry to get around to the second part of this post... I guess that's appropriate. ;-)

As we learn to slow down at first it may feel painful because we are so addicted to productivity, or used to hurrying. But as we physically slow ourselves down our hearts and spirits slow down too. And as I quoted before "The deepest part of the soul likes to go slow.... Slowing down the pace of our lives means eliminating hurry and limiting the demands and activities in our lives. Then we are more likely to take delight in our lives and make room for God."

Anyway, so in this book the author gives a lot of ideas for slowing yourself down. Drive in the slowest lane of traffic. Get in the longest line at the grocery store. This one is one of my favorites in a funny way: Take an hour to move like a sloth (I can just imagine someone doing this, walking across the living room with the slowest steps possible, taking 30 seconds to move the fork from the plate to your mouth, etc. It just makes me laugh). Make one day a slow day: linger over breakfast, cut out t.v. and media, go for a leisurely walk, watch the sunset. Plan a meal with friends or family: cook slowly, enjoy the smells of the food, linger over dinner, eat slowly, enjoy the food and company.

So I read all these ideas and then realized that the only thing I needed to do to slow down was to go at the pace of my children. Wow, do they ever go slow! I mean, sure, they have boundless energy and can run really fast, but as far as productivity goes, they go slow. It can take 10 minutes or more to get from the car to the front door, or worse vice versa (insert teeth grinding here). I often find myself telling them, "Hurry. Hurry!"

So a few weeks ago when I determined to slow down (as my homework prescribed) I decided that I would stop hurrying my children. I let them explore every puddle on the way from the car to the front door. I didn't rush them to get ready in the morning so that we could go and "do something better."

Of course, there are times when I needed to go quickly. But I resolved to do it with an unhurried heart, a heart that is not fearful but is fully resting in God's goodness to me regardless of circumstances. "I'll move my legs as fast as I can while my heart is happy and unhurried." (Remember that quote from the book? It's one of my favorites!)

Case in point: Wednesday mornings (Bible Study mornings). We have to be leaving our house with everyone dressed, fed, and presentable at 9:00. For us that usually means a hurried morning of pushing. I'm pushing Elisa to get dressed, pushing Jonathan to eat faster, pushing myself to get the dishwasher loaded and my makeup on. And all this, while trying to stem the tide of chaos which threatens to flood our house each moment. "Elisa, no you can't start an art project now. And didn't I just ask you to use the bathroom." "Jonathan, are you poopy again? I just changed you!" I have to say that we usually have some kind of major meltdown on Wednesday mornings (from a kid, not me, in case you were wondering... although I'm not far behind).

Almost always my hurry is fear related. I worry about what others will think of me if I'm late. I fear rejection, embarrassment, letting others down. My kids see that fear in me and mirror it. Then it builds and consumes us in a huge cycle... worry, fear, hurry, worry, fear, hurry.

One Wednesday morning not long ago, Elisa screamed and cried all the way to church. I was so rattled I missed a turn. And when I finally sat down at Bible Study it took about 10 minutes of deep breathing before I felt like my heart rate was back to normal.

But, on the first Wednesday morning of intentionally slowing my heart while trying to move my legs as fast as possible, there were no meltdowns. I had time for joy. I laughed with my kids. We looked at leaves on the ground on the way to the car. We still moved quickly. In fact I caught my kids telling each other, "Hurry. Hurry!" (The words that I had ingrained in them). But I corrected them, "No, it's okay. We do have to try to go quickly but we're okay. Everything will be okay." And that's what I was telling my heart at the same time. I kept repeating my mantra of "God has everything under control. I have nothing to fear."

I got to Bible Study early. My kids were happier than usual. I was happier than usual. It was wonderful.

Of course, I do have to add that the next time we went to Bible Study with this same unhurried heart philosophy I was quite late and had to walk in awkwardly and find a seat while everyone watched. But you know what? I didn't care. My kids were happy, no deep breathing was needed.

As I learn to go more slowly and stop hurrying my kids, I notice that I am doing less things... there are fewer outings to the library and the park. But I am enjoying the everyday things more. Diaper changes and putting on shoes and socks are not inconveniences on the way to something good. They are the good of the current moment. They are an opportunity to closely interact with my kids in a way that meets their needs. I am beginning to delight in the everyday moments instead of rushing off to the next place.

More on this topic to come... eventually... don't hurry me!

Slowing, part one

This week has been... a good week... but an interesting week. A couple weeks ago our car gave out on us. We are a one car family, but luckily we were able to borrow a car for the first week that our car was in the shop. We thought that we were going to get our car back early the next week. But it turned out that it had to go back to be fixed two more times. And so we didn't really get our car back until Friday. So, last week we didn't have a car, it was rainy, and both of my kids have colds. So we mostly stayed home and didn't do much. It was a great lesson in slowing.

Appropriately that was our spiritual discipline assignment for our Sunday school class for the last two weeks. Slowing.

One of Greg's favorite books is The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. In it he talks about the discipline of slowing. He says that once when he was entering a new ministry he called a spiritual mentor for advice. His mentor told him, "Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." Ortberg wrote this down on his paper and then asked, "Okay, what's next?" "There is no next." his mentor replied.

Our Sunday School is going through the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I can't explain slowing down better than he did, so here are a few excerpts:

Hurry and distraction are nothing new, but in our age we seem to have perfected them. More than at any time in history we have become obsessed with productivity, speed and efficiency.... And while we increasingly move faster, we are enjoying life less.

Our impatience has made life a dizzying blur. And as a result, our spiritual lives are diminished. As we try harder, we are becoming spiritually shallow and deeply disappointed--not exactly a recipe for a robust life.

The mantra of our achievement-oriented world is, "You are only as valuable as what you produce." This leads to the narrative that what we produce determines our value, and therefore the more we produce the more valuable we are. What we did yesterday is old news; what matter is what we are doing today.

Satan does not always appear as a red devil, a ghastly monster or the object of sexual desire. Sometimes he simply inserts a false narrative (achievement equals value) into our minds. Once that narrative gets firmly planted, we are headed toward destruction without realizing it. The narrative can sound almost Christian. That's why it slips in unnoticed.... But one day we wake up and realize that the things most important to us--time with God and our family, our emotional and physical health--were sacrificed on the alter of achievement (or the success of our church). And we have nothing to show for such an amazing sacrifice.

Jesus told Martha, "There is need of only one thing." That one thing is listening to Jesus. Jesus did not say that the "one thing" was to obey his commandments (though that will come.) The first thing, the one needful thing, is to listen to his teachings. The world tries to pull us away from this important thing. Martha's way was good, but Mary's way was better. She looked at the situation and evaluated what was most important. Jesus was in her home, and being with him was the most important things she could do.

The most important aspects of our lives cannot be rushed. We cannot love, think, eat, laugh, or pray in a hurry.

Taking time is especially important in our spiritual lives. In our spiritual life we cannot do anything important in a hurry.

Why is eliminating hurry from our lives so crucial? When we eliminate hurry we become present, or more specifically, present to the present moment in all of its glory. We become aware of our surroundings. We see colors and smell smells; we hear hushed sounds and can actually feel the wind in our faces. In short, we "show up" and experience the fulness of life. And that includes, not least of all, being present to God. If I am to live well as a Christian, I need to be constantly connected to God. Hurry is not part of a well-lived life.

It is possible to act quickly without hurrying. If I have only ten minutes to get from one end of the airport to another, I can move quickly without hurrying. Hurry is an inner condition that is fear-based: "If I don't make my plane everything will be ruined. Life as I know it is over!" But when I walk in step with God I learn to say, "If I don't make that plane I'll be fine. God is with me. Things will work out. Meanwhile, I'll move my legs as fast as I can while my heart is happy and unhurried."

Slowing down is the way our soul works. Robert Barron says, "The deepest part of the soul likes to go slow, since it seeks to savor rather than to accomplish; it wants to rest in and contemplate the good rather than hurry off to another place." ... Slowing down the pace of our lives means eliminating hurry and limiting the demands and activities in our lives. Then we are more likely to take delight in our lives and make room for God.